An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The our men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why... A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair and carrying a loaded handgun. No charges were filed.
If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it a memorable one.
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Thoughts To Ponder
1. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
2. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
3. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
4. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
5. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
6. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
7. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
9. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
10. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
11. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
12. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.
13. Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
14. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
15. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
16. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
17. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world population.
18. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
19. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
20. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture.
21. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing good.
22. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
23. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
24. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
25. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
26. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
27. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Signs Translated Into English
In a Bangkok temple:
"IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN."
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
"GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS
IN BED."
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."
In a Tokyo bar:
"SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
Hotel, Japan:
"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
"IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE
OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT
UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE."
Hotel, Zurich:
"BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE."
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"
In a Swiss mountain inn:
"SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM."
And Finally....
A laundry in Rome:
"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A
GOOD TIME."
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Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
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