1. There's one "sport" in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it?
Boxing.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.
3. Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?
Baseball.
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
Strawberry.
5. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw." They are all common words. Name two of them.
Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle.
6. There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them?
Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
7. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the "Los Angeles Lakers?"
In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when they moved west.
8. There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls (a walk) is one way. Name the other six.
Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher interference; catcher drops third strike; fielder's choice; and being designated as a pinch runner.
9. Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter "S."
Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lines to make you Smile today
1. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
2. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
3. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
4. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
5. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
6. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
7. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
8. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
9. Procrastinate Now!
10. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
11. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
12. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
13. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
14. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
15. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
16. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
17. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
18. The trouble with life is there's no background music
19. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
20. I smile because, I don't know what the heck is going on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
U S Legacies Magazine
- Log in to post comments