Thoughts

Thoughts

 

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

 

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

 

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?

 

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

 

Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your butt?

 

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Asylum for the Verbally Insane

Well begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,

but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,

yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

 

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Marriage

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breath-takingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bobs arm and listens intently to his every word.

 

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend? Bob replies, Girlfriend? Shes my wife!

 

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask. So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?

 

I lied about my age, Bob replies.

 

What, did you tell her you were only 50?

 

Bob smiles and says, No, I told her I was 90.

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Lets face it - English is a crazy language.

If the plural of man is always called men,

why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

 

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,

and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

 

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

 

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

 

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

but though we say mother, we never say methren.

 

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

 

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?

 

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

 

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English

should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

 

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