Things You Need To Know If You Move To The Appalachians
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. Onced and Twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.
10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name)
22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what a hissy fit is..
24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Appalachian friends and those who just wish they were from the Appalachians.
AND one more:
27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
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Chief and the Parrot
The old Chief finally retired from the Navy and got that chicken
ranch he always wanted. He took with him his lifelong pet parrot.
First morning at 04:30, the parrot squawked and said, "Off yer
hocks and don yer socks. Reveille"
The old chief told the parrot, "we are no longer in the Navy. Go
back to sleep." The next morning, the parrot did the same thing.
The old Chief told the parrot, "Look, if you keep this up, I will
put you out in the chicken pen."
Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the
parrot in the chicken pen. About 06:30, the Chief was awakened by
one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what
was the matter.
The parrot had about 40 white chickens in formation and on the
ground lay 3 bruised and beaten brown ones. The parrot was
saying, "By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don't mean
Khakis!"
U S Legacies Magazine
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